This Is Not the End of Me by Dakshana Bascaramurty

Author:Dakshana Bascaramurty [Bascaramurty, Dakshana]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: McClelland & Stewart
Published: 2020-08-18T00:00:00+00:00

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In a house with a loud, obnoxious dog, a wild toddler, and the frequent presence of two extroverted women, Callie the cat was in many ways the member of the household most like Layton. And so when she died in the new year, Layton took it harder than Candace did. He and Callie could be in each other’s company, silent, not needy, but a mutually comforting presence. In Ottawa, in those difficult months following Layton’s first diagnosis, Callie would sit on his chest: a warm, furry mound lightly breathing as he watched TV or worked on his laptop. She always found a way to lighten the mood. But as new members moved into the household, the attention she received steadily decreased.

Their veterinarian thought Callie had leukemia and had advised they put her down. At the appointment, Layton found it chilling to see a warm body inhaling oxygen and exhaling carbon dioxide suddenly go cold and still.

When Layton returned home, it was as if Finn knew his father had experienced loss: he reached out to him more to play, to snuggle. Even though Layton knew intellectually that his son was too young to understand death or mourning, he took comfort in explaining this extra affection this way. It was a wonder that this child, who so recently had been a clump of cells, was now showing early signs of empathy. Layton’s favourite framed photo in the house was the one of Finn on the day he was born: freshly pulled out of Candace, a wrinkled mass, eyes wide and adjusting to the light and, more broadly, to the world outside his mother’s body.

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